hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
