I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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