as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
