Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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