Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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