part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
