Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize