Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
