epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
