that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
