Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
