You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
