i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
