The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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