I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
