I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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