I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
