she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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