I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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