what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
