My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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