i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
