I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Your dad touched me again.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
