The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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