I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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