You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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