After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
