Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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