Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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