I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
