my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
