We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We left an ass print on the piano.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
