Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
