Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
