But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
