maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
