bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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