May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
