my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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