when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
