u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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