I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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