Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
