I want to walk on stilts...naked
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
