Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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