Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
