so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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