Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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