Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
