STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
