Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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