I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
