what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
