Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
