dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
