I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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