Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
