i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
