We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
