i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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