I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize