in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So many bounce houses so little time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
