This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
