are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
