fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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