since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
