there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
