my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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